Agony
by TrustTheCloak
Summary: Gilan's gone... isn't he?


Halt didn't know how long he had been running.

Abelard was streaked with lather, his sides heaving as he roughly breathed. Halt may not have known how long they had kept up this mad gallop, but Abelard's state was evidence that it was far too long.

It was when Abelard tripped, stumbling almost to his knees before recovering, that Halt finally came to himself. Pulling Abelard up, Halt swiftly dismounted and stripped the saddle before offering the horse some water. Apologetically rubbing the horse's neck, the Ranger then walked the horse on foot until his breathing had settled.

"Sorry, Abelard," Halt croaked miserably. The previous day's events still horribly fresh in his mind, the man took a moment to bury his face in his hands, trying to compose himself.

 _The inn was engulfed in hot flames, the smoke thick and choking._

 _"Gilan! Gilan, where are you?!"_

Abelard nudged his stricken master, not being the type to hold a grudge.

 _A blur later, and Halt was writhing furiously against the two men holding him. "Get off me! He's still in there!"_

 _"You can't go back in! We dragged you out once, we can't let you go in again!"_

 _Halt only fought harder. "No, you don't understand-"_

 _"There's no point! No one can still be alive in there!"_

Halt's shoulders shook, his breath catching in his throat.

 _"There... there's a body, sir. It's hard to tell, but..."_

Halt finally let the tears come.

* * *

They sat like that for several minutes, Abelard quiet as Halt cried into his mane.

"He's gone. He's gone," were the first intelligible things that escaped Halt's mouth as he scrubbed his eyes. "What am I going to tell Crowley? And David?"

Abelard made a low rumbling sound before turning his head and giving a longing nicker. Halt realized with a jolt what he had forgotten.

Blaze.

In his mind numbing pain, in his desperate hurry to leave behind that place, Halt had forgotten one of the only things he had left of his apprentice.

Feeling sick, Halt realized that he had to go back.

* * *

Conscious of the strain that he had already put on Abelard, Halt didn't push him. Keeping to a more sensible canter, the Ranger pushed away the thoughts that threatened to invade his mind, instead focusing solely on Abelard's hoofbeats.

Halt threw up when the burnt smell of the inn reached his nose. Grimly wiping his mouth, he pushed on, the thought of Blaze the only thing keeping him from turning tail.

Blaze, one of the things that Gilan loved most in all this world. Halt _had_ to fetch her.

For Gilan.

* * *

A kind farmer had Blaze. In wake of Halt's abrupt departure and the chaos after the fire, he had moved Blaze into his own barn, figuring that someone would be around to claim her. In the meantime, he had done his best to make the first frantic, then later melancholy, horse comfortable until her owner showed.

Halt thanked him, in both words and a bagful of coins, before setting off at a depressed walk down the village road. Despite the fact that he had utterly failed in every other way, Halt had completed this final duty to his apprentice - he had Blaze. It felt like a strange sort of closure.

As they passed the ruined remains on the inn, quite a ways from the main village and largely untouched since the fire, Halt was determinedly keeping his eyes fixed on the road, his jaw clenched, when Blaze slammed to a stop, her nostrils flaring as she eyed the burnt structure.

"Blaze, come!" Halt said roughly as the mare quivered, taking a half step towards what was left of the inn.

Blaze's ears flicked to Halt for a moment before once more fixating on the previous interest. A second passed, then the mare gave a whinny and took off at a canter.

Halt stared dully at her. Ranger horses didn't disobey orders, fiercely loyal to their riders as they were. Was that the crux of the matter? Had Blaze sensed this as the final place that she had seen her master, and was reluctant to leave without him?

Halt screwed his eyes shut for a moment before legging Abelard toward where Blaze was sniffing, swallowing hard before swinging off.

His eyes burning, Halt took the mare's face in his hands. "He's gone, Blaze." His voice caught. "And he's not coming back."

And in the agony filled silence that followed, came a barely audible, " _Hello?_ "

Halt whirled, his hand flying to his saxe knife. "Who's there?"

 _"Halt? Is that you?"_

Faint, hoarse, scratched. And unmistakably Gilan.

Heart thudding, hands trembling, a sliver of joy piercing his heart, Halt willed himself to breathe. "Gilan! Where are you?"

A cough. _"Back cellar. I can't get out."_

 _"_ Help me find you," Halt ordered, already eyeing the debris and assessing what could be moved, what had to be moved. "Gilan? Keep talking."

 _"Where were you?"_ Another wheezing cough. _"I yelled until my voice went, and there's no water down here."_

Halt threw aside another beam, not answering. A moment passed before Gilan spoke again, this time sounding ashamed.

 _"Halt, I'm sorry, I didn't even ask how you made it out."_

He was almost there, moving scraps directly over the voice. "Keep talking," Halt said again, and was answered with another thin cough.

 _"The fire was hot - cut me off. Found the cellar, but the door must've gotten blocked."_

Finally, the last of the rubbish was cleared away. A moment later, and Gilan's soot covered face was looking up at him.

"Hi," was all his apprentice said, a relieved smile crinkling his cheeks.

Halt stared for a moment, drinking in the sight of his back-from-the-dead apprentice, before wordlessly reaching a hand down. Gilan grasped it, and in the next moment, he was by his mentor.

"Are you alright?" Halt asked, looking over the youth, his grip tightening slightly.

Gilan nodded wearily, his gaze perking up slightly when he caught sight of a nickering Blaze. "Let's just go."

Halt brushed a hand over his apprentice's hair. "It's good to see you," the Ranger said simply, still maintaining that grip on his apprentice's arm.

Another tired smile graced Gilan's face. "Good to see you too, Halt."

* * *

It was when Halt sneaked yet another glance at him that Gilan asked.

"Did... Did you think I was dead?"

Halt stiffened, his hands unconsciously curling tighter around his reins. "Of course not."

Twisting a finger in Blaze's long black mane, Gilan remained silent, giving his teacher a sideways glance.

Several beats passed. Still looking straight ahead, Halt finally spoke, his tone curt. "There was a body. You didn't come out. Yes, I thought you were dead."

Gilan nodded, his teacher's actions now making sense. However, all he said was, "I'm alright, Halt."

Halt finally spared another glance at his student. "Yes, you will be."

They both would be.

* * *

 **Insomnia muse is a strange thing. This little story came into my head, and my mind took it and ran.**

 **Have a lovely night, with hopefully less insomnia than me.**

 **-TrustTheCloak**


End file.
